Deeper Love.

Deep love! That's what I have seen of God here. On October 1st, just before my trip, I asked God what He wanted to speak to me about this next season of my life. And I wrote down in my journal what I heard.
"My love is deeper."
That's it! When I wrote that I remember thinking it was very odd for God to say something like that about my upcoming trip. I thought I already knew what His love looked like.
Boy was I wrong!
As I was journaling my thoughts tonight, I found myself in adoration of Him. And when I looked back at what I wrote on Oct. 1st I found, "My love is deeper".
I have experienced His deep love, and I don't even know if this is the deepest!
But it's crazy! It's crazy that I can't see God physically but I know that He is wrapping His arms around every single one of these abandoned, hurt, sick, poor, and tired kids. I see His love for this side of the world and it is so different from what I experience everyday at home.
I am personally experiencing His love and goodness through every step I take in the slum. Even though there is so much brokenness surrounding me, He brings healing through me! Through all of us that ask to be His hands and feet.
One prayer of mine, since I've been serving in ministry, was that God would show me how He uses me to bring His healing, joy, peace, love and everything else to His people. And I have seen and felt it here! Nothing is a coincidence. God brings certain people and situations in this moment of your life to benefit whatever He has planned next for you! That's what I've seen God do from the moment I told Him that "I am yours God. Send me and use me wherever the need is." From that point in my life He has planned everything specifically for this day. And now He is using this time to prepare me for more! Wow, what a busy God.
Another thing that I'm learning is that God has been pruning me here. Meaning, trimming me and shaping me.
John 15:1-2: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
I feel like God has blessed me greatly and every blessing is His for me to enjoy. So what I'm realizing is.. when He knows it's time to "prune" me, in other words, take something away, He is doing it for my own good. He wants me to be more fruitful. What good would it be for me if I refused to be shaped by Him? It's a hard thing to allow God to do because it means we need to be open to be changed and to go places and talk to people we don't want to. Or are afraid to. But our Father knows what's best for us, so when He is changing your circumstance or surrounding, let Him be God! We won't see any results until we allow His hand to transform us.
I've found it to be a rewarding process. God is noticing the fruit in my life and He is responding by growing me more in Him. Oh He is SO good!

Reflection.

I have caught myself reflecting on God's hand in my life lately. I love looking back and seeing how He connected all the dots to lead me to this place in my life. He has been so good and so faithful to me and those around me. Everyday He reveals something different about Himself that makes me love Him even more.

Prior to leaving to Africa for missions, something I was experiencing and kept hearing from God was that I was living a spiritually comfortable life. And that's not what God wants. We all have a different calling in life, I know that mine is to serve in ministry. And at that time I knew God wanted more from me and will always want more. As His people, comfort is no option. Especially when it comes to serving God. Of course, this is easier said than done. 

Arriving in Africa, immediately I began to feel the spiritual difference from my life at home and here. I felt like I couldn't connect with God as easily as I could at home. And because I was homesick and adjusting to the new surroundings I didn't even want to try to understand God. I was mad that He called me to this place and left me. That's how I felt-- alone. I felt like God couldn't understand what I was going through, even though my prayer for the last 3 months was, "God walk before me, I know you are already there preparing the ground for me."

Looking back, I see how easily I gave in to my emotions and fear and how passive I was of God's comforting words, "I am with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9).

The first week was the worst for me. On top of being homesick, tired, and adjusting to the new culture I started to see and hear things I never expected. Brokenness, extreme poverty, abandoned children, injured homeless people, etc. Seeing that was the hardest thing. I couldn't understand this new side of God. 

As I was thinking about all this He revealed this to me: God is sovereign in every situation, in every church, in every home, in every part of the world. He is sovereign. No matter what the circumstance-- He is the same God today as He was yesterday. This side of God's heart is so different for me. It's a whole new level of experience-- understanding His love for these people, who mostly are unaware of His sovereignty and movement. That's why He sent me here. To be a part of His movement and His plan for Africa. 

I am learning a lot of what it means to be committed to God. And how far I have to be stretched to understand God's will and love for me. I'm so thankful He put up with me when I wanted to give everything up. I'm thankful when that one night I couldn't take it anymore and kept telling Him that I was sorry I couldn't do what He has called me to do and wanted to go home. I gave up, but He picked me back up and helped me carry the burden. 

This is so worth it. To be called to fulfill His will and to be used by Him. To see how far He keeps bringing me each day. I am so so SO thankful for all of His blessings in my life. Glory to my God who is so good to me!

I love this song by Rita Springer, it's helping me understand God more through these simple lyrics.