2:20 a.m.

I am so consumed with the presence of God right now... it's 2:20 a.m. After a long day of being hurt and confused as to why He isn't helping me... He answers me. At 2:20 a.m.! You know God doesn't have timing when He's keeping you up at night answering your prayers. He is so good.

This is such a testimony for me because the Lord has been bringing me through it up to this day. Two weeks ago, I was asked to lead worship for Friday, the 20th, at our youth service. I was so excited, and I knew that I had to prepare extra hard this whole month. That ment more praying, fasting, and just seeking Jesus and his word. And i also knew, the second that i agreed, i knew that it was going to be the hardest battle to fight. I got so busy. Busy with working in ministry and making goals for the new year that i didn't have time to just stand still and worship Him. I was always in a rush to go. To go to a meeting, to go to practice, to go to work, whatever it was.. I had to go! Not once did i stop to just dwell in the presence of the Lord. I kept reminding myself- "tonight when i get home, i'm gonna just sit, seek, and find Jesus." Never happened. I felt satan use lies, excuses and restlessness to stop me from entering His presence.

Today was the meltdown. I just cried to God. I was so frustrated and angry. So tired and hungry for Him at the same time. All I could ask was why He appointed me for this worship part of the service if He knew i would be such a mess. It was a miserable end to my cry. I was even more angry. Why would God use me to lead others when i myself needed it the most, and definitely was in no position to lead? By the end of the day i started hoping that service would get cancelled.

That night i came home.. Through facebook, i found and listened to a podcast of Kari Jobe preaching on worship. 2:20 a.m. Wow. Everything that i was asking God, everything that i was complaining about, everything that i was worried about... He answered. And it was so powerful. He said He honors my truth! So when i was complaining to Him why He chose me and why he let me be this way, He honored me. He honored my truth! He didn't leave me to figure it out on my own, He listened to me. He honored me. My words. My feelings. It was the most calm, the most sweetest presence i've ever felt.

I'm so glad that my Father brings me peace. That He calms my every storm. That He ends my every pain. That he fills my dry spirit. And revives my burnt out heart. He is so faithful. And I'm so honored to be called His.